Biofeedbacking Day 2
Lets recap this past week with my biofeedbacking. My first session was on October 25th, 2017. What the clinical psychologist told me to look for is for my pendulum to swing one way then hopefully swing back towards "normal". For example my symptoms for the first 48 may be more extreme then slowly go back to my normal. Then hopefully towards what an average brain would be. The only thing I noticed in the first 48 hours was, I was extremely tired. I am always tired. With my insomnia I never sleep, but this was more extreme. This I was told is a good sign. The rest of the week though was pretty normal for my normal. My anxiety was still high and had an outburst with my wife, because I couldn’t control my anxiety. I don’t remember which day it was, but we went shopping at Sears then Costco, and I just felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Two shopping trips gave me so much anxiety being around that many people in a short period of time was hard to handle. I did it, but there was a lot of frustrations between my wife and I, because I couldn’t express what was going on in my head in the moment. On Sunday I was extremely depressed and could not shake it, and it was that all consuming depression. I didn’t move from my couch all day and just watched Netflix.
So end result there wasn’t much change, yet!
On November 1st, 2017 I had my second session. I told the clinical psychologist my thoughts and what I could remember, and he said the extreme fatigue was a good thing like I thought. However, we needed to change the session up a little bit. He changed the locations of the clips that go on my head. Instead of going on the middle on top of my head he put one on the back corner of my head along with the one on my right earlobe. He also increased the watts, and instead of just doing one biofeedbacking session he did two. Again each one only last five seconds with my eyes closed.
It has now been a day since then, and I am not tired at all. Nothing really seems that different, so we will see how it goes. A lot of us have been saying all week, progress is progress. If you follow me on Instagram (travisandthebrain), or Twitter (TravisBrainBlog) you would have seen how I was extremely tired the morning before I went to my second session, but I am motivated for change. I put my game face on and turned on some "pregame music" and pumped myself up and pressed forward. Even if it is just an inch, it is an inch I gain on my mental illnesses.
That is the thing. Mental health…mental illness it is a war. You lose battles. Some times you lose a lot in a row, but my friends you will not lose the war. Continue to be vulnerable, continue to share with others, because that is strength and that is progress. When you do that you build an army of people around you, and with that there is nothing you cannot do.
I got this. You got this. We got this.